latent content: The Tubbs Scale

The Tubbs Scale

2005-04-18 : reviews

It is time for me to fully enumerate my critical evaluation system, both to keep me honest, and to give some sense to the random numbers I dangle on the end of movie reviews. As I mentioned before, the scale is logarithmic, such that a rating of 6 is an order of magnitude better than a rating of 5.

Rating	Meaning
0	A movie so horrible that it had to have been crafted that way to prove a point. Horror movie spoofs tend to fit in this category. There still is no value in it, but it can be quite enjoyable as a caricature of a real film.
1	A terrible movie, but one that is not taking itself seriously. Best enjoyed with alcoholic beverages and a group of friends.
2	The worst possible movie; no value, no interest, no originality, no point. Below this, movies actually gain value because of how bad they are being absurd. Movies that receive a 2 are the type of movie that is so horrible it leaves a bad taste in the mouth, creating the desire to put the director out of the misery since they thought they were being serious. No justifiable reason to see the film can be concocted.
3	A downright lousy film, mustering only enough quality to consider this as an example of how not to make a film. Maybe contains one clever line, but bad enough that one should not be able to recall more than 15-30 seconds of enjoyable content.
4	Still a bad movie, right at the threshold of where Ebert turns down his thumb. A few minutes of value in a sea of terrible acting, directing, casting, and storyline.
5	A mediocre movie. It doesn’t leave a bad taste, but it doesn’t leave a good one. An appropriate reaction was “that was fine, I didn’t feel like I wasted my life for the last two hours, but that’s about the best I can say.”
6	A good film. Achieves what it sets out to achieve, has some issues, but at the end of the day one can leave the theater saying “that was a good time” or “that was mildly interesting.” Something that has the power to make one think, but not longer than it takes to gulp down a can of soda.
7	A solid movie, showing some originality, something to which one can safely say “that was good.” Still has some inconsistencies, poor casting, awkwardness, weak character development, pointless interchanges, missing segments, weak editing, and the like, but none of these flaws are on the scale that they jump out at the viewer and offend them; they only really get noticed when one starts reviewing what they have watched. This is about the threshold at which things could receive an academy award nomination (note the use of could and not _should; the Academy has gotten soft).
8	A great work. “That was really good.” Something that has the power to make people think, ponder, and reconsider. These don’t come along very often. There are still things that aren’t quite right, it’s not a perfect story, but it’s damn close.
9	A cinematic masterpiece. Has the power to change one’s life and the way you perceive things. Moving. Any flaws are extremely minor and subjective.
10	A perfect movie satisfying all of the criteria of 9 that holds up under repeat viewing and continues to be just as impressive. This is the sort of movie that leaves one slack-jawed after the fifth viewing.

i’m curious as to how you’ll rate sin city.
— ck 18 April 2005 #
I’d like to see examples of each.
— jgt 19 April 2005 #
I’ve been asking for examples of each for years, Jay. :) He can get to about 8 or 9, but I don’t think he’s ever managed one for each number.
— Sarah 19 April 2005 #
I suppose that’s only fair. A quick example sampling (may not be consistent with my past reviews) follows; there are certainly many other examples if this is not illustrative enough.

0. Student Bodies
1. Hotel Hell
2. The Lizzie McGuire Movie
3. The Transporter
4. Spiderman 2
5. Fever Pitch (and any other romantic comedy)
6. Gangs of New York
7. Resevoir Dogs
8. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
9. Dogville
10. Requiem for a Dream
— Aaron N. Tubbs 19 April 2005 #
How do you separate a 1 from a 0? They seem to have equivalent definitions.

I would say both Motel Hell (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0081184/) and Student Bodies were both spoofs. At least, both satires of the genre.

Now, Lawnmower Man II is a fine example of a “2”. I would say Shawshank Redemption is a ten, in that after 12 viewings, I’m still just as likely to sit through the entire film as I was the first time I saw it. I can’t say that about any other film.
— Bill 19 April 2005 #
Aha. That would explain why I couldn’t find it in IMDB. I guess the distinction between 0 and 1 is that 1 is “enjoyable with sufficient alcohol” and 0 is “enjoyable while sober.”
— Aaron N. Tubbs 19 April 2005 #
What is the equation for your little movie thing?
— Jorie W. 19 April 2005 #
A graph would work too, I suggest MS Paint.
— Jorie W. 19 April 2005 #
Requiem for a Dream is one of those movies that I loved so much when I saw it but I just can’t bring myself to see it again. The scene at the end with the two girls makes me so sad and pissed off whenever I think about it.
— YZ 20 April 2005 #
really? it makes me want heroin.
— ck 20 April 2005 #
I don’t remember who it was, but they had a great like about what cocaine is.

“Cocaine is a drug that makes you… want more cocaine.”

It may have been Bill Cosby.

“But what if you’re an asshole?”
— Bill 21 April 2005 #
What if the plot needs work, the characters need further development, and it barely holds its own, but has AWESOME visuals and a well thought out sound track? Some movies seem to barely hold my cerebral attention, but hold my eyeballs hostage and make my pulse race to the tunes…which basically means I’m mesmerized, but somewhat zombified! What would that rate?

— Lisa 9 January 2007 #
In the (somewhat distant) past I was fond of films with excellent special effects, irregardless of the rest of their nature. Over time, I’ve found it to be like a person to which you have an intense physical attraction, but nothing beyond that — there is often very little that’s rewarding beyond staring at them.

— Aaron N. Tubbs 9 January 2007 #

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